Greetings,

Recently I’ve been meeting more and more caregivers who are really feeling the push – pull of caregiving in their lives. Each person is experiencing a different journey, but feeling the same things. You know what these feelings are: exhaustion, sadness, frustration, isolation from life and friends, feelings of not being appreciated – the usual issues that plague the caregiver.  You can continue to feel this way, or you can do something about it. You have to decide as no one can decide for you.

Last week I received calls of desperation from a couple of my coaching clients. And each call was pretty much the same: “I’ve reached my limit and I can’t do this anymore!” This seems clear, right? When someone utters these words, there is clarity. So why is it so impossible to make it stick?

Here’s the answer that most caregivers don’t want to hear. It’s because YOU haven’t learned how to set your personal boundaries with others and express them in ways that are calm, clear and deliberate. This is not about the person for whom you are caring. This is about you. What can you do to change your circumstances?

1. Understand that you are limited in your abilities to do everything. Stop doing everything.
2. Get clear about what you can and cannot do and while you’re at it, figure out what you won’t do. Most of us can do anything for a short time, but when you hit the wall and you are feeling desperate, the condition has changed and you are now at the place of “I won’t.” Do you need permission to be okay with that? Permission granted.
3. Ask for help. Hire help. Find volunteers. Whatever your personal situation, you must ask for help. The idea that someone can be a full time family caregiver and live a normal life is simply not realistic. You MUST get help.
4. Figure out what financial resources are available to you. If there is money available to hire some outside help, then you need to do this.  And if resources are available and you haven’t taken this step, then you need to figure out why you haven’t. What exactly is holding you back? Even if you can only afford to hire someone for a few hours a week, you will still get a break.
5. Right now... this minute, decide to set aside personal time every single day. Whatever this is for you, you MUST spend time doing something just for YOU.

These five steps will help you begin living your life in a more sane way and you will get relief. It’s important to understand that most people needing care do not want you to stop living your life. They simply aren’t aware that this is the case and therefore, the subject never comes up. Take action today and get some help while being clear about your cant’s and your wont's.

Caregiving – Eldercare Made Clear & Simple has an entire section devoted to caring for the caregiver. Copies are limited but you can order one here.

We’re launching our new site the week of May 30. The Care Company will soon be the landing place for America’s 60+ million Family Caregivers. We’re committed to creating a nation of EMPOWERED CAREGIVERS – one person at a time. Join us on this journey.

There are now 67 million family caregivers in America who are providing $360 billion a year in free care and services for a loved one with no formal training and... They Need Help! The Care Company is destined to be the landing place. Share this newsletter with friends or family members who you think might benefit from receiving support, help and answers to their questions.

May 10 : “Money 101” with Bob McCormick KFWB AM 980, Los Angeles. This is my third appearance with Bob.

The Cindy Laverty Show is going National on May 13, 2011! Cindy will now be heard on www.crntalk.com. Please visit the page and learn more about how you can listen to the show as there are numerous ways. The live show is also seen on video. There’s an app for your smart phone. You can listen on the Internet or from the comfort of your own home while listening to cable radio. All shows are always archived on www.cindylavertyshow.com.

If you want to follow The Cindy Laverty Show please check out the Facebook Page. All radio shows are posted there and it’s a great way to keep current with The Care Company as well. Some great guests are coming up later this month. The Cindy Laverty Show is dedicated to the subject of CARE – how we care for ourselves so we can better care for each other. What a concept! This is why I love the show and my guests. Tune in!

You can also follow Cindy on Twitter.

I love hearing from you, so please continue to send your questions to me via email.

Until next time, take good care.

Need help? Call The Care Company: 818.623.3011